Randy Sleeps with the FIshes...

I used to feel bad for Sugar because she was kinda dumb, but nice and she spent the first 16 days by herself on exile island and all. It was a sweet infatuation. I kinda liked her. She kinda liked me. We went to go see Back to The Future together. We shared a popcorn. Then all of a sudden, she turns into an Alannis Morissette-clone, black-hearted psycho with no soul and a penchant for cruelty.



Bob seemed like a nice guy. He was from Maine. He was a schoolteacher. Then all of a sudden, he falls under Sugar’s spell and humiliates Randy for no other reason than to ingratiate himself with the aforementioned blackhearted psycho.



And then there’s Randy. I like Randy. He’s an unpleasant, miserable old jerk who happens to make his living as a wedding videographer. That’s right, the most tender moments of love pass through the bitter hands and skilled eye of Randy. I imagine him staring through the viewfinder of his camera at the happy couple, and pretending he’s sizing the targets up through the laser scope of a high-powered sniper rifle. So OK. I admit that Randy isn’t the nicest guy. But he was entertaining and genuine.



I’ve already ranted about the utter worthlessness of all the other Survivors and you can read those at my blog at www.victorsurvivorpool.blogspot.com.



To sum up last night’s action, Bob falls under Sugar’s gaze and tells her about the fake immunity idol he made in the jungle out of seashells and feces. Corinne and Randy do the math and realize that they are the next two to go followed by Bob as the Fang alliance is holding strong under the guidance of Evil-Ken, Angry-Crystal, and Matty the Sham-Wow guy. Oh, and there’s Susie too, but she’s dumber than furniture. Randy briefly considers changing his attitude and being nice, but breaks out singing “I gotta be me!” and continues to spew hatred at everyone. They deserve it.





Today’s reward challenge is the Survivor Auction. Every year there are more and more rules added to this thing. As expected it becomes less and less interesting. Randy scores two meals including 3 beers and a glass of wine. Which serves to make him more ornery than usual. Ken bids on the right to send Bob to Exile Island. Again. Also, Susie wins a hot bath and we are treated to hot, naked Susie action. Pardon me while I bleach my own eyes.



By now, Randy is drunk and as Bill Cosby used to say, Alcohol doesn’t change your personality…it magnifies it.



Randy also wins a tray of cookies to share with the tribe. He tells probst that he wants to throw them on the ground and smash them up, but Probst forces him to share with the tribe. Which he grudgingly does. Sugar takes a cookie and gives it to Matty which sets Randy off like fireworks on the fourth of July. There ensues a whole lot of arguing and Probst breaks up the feud. As everyone leaves, Randy throws his last twenty bucks at Probst as a tip. Very classy.



Meanwhile Randy embarks on a campaign to step up his unpleasantness in an effort to make sure that HE is the one voted off tonight. On the longshot that Bob may have found the Idol, Randy could then take it and turn the tables on the ruling majority. If only the US Congress operated the same way:



Speaker of the House: All in favor of the amendment say “Aye!” All opposed? “NAY!” The Ayes have it and our pay raise is approved.



Congressman: Not so fast, Mr. Speaker! I am choosing to play the Andrew Jackson Immunity Idol, which counts our votes double and further sentences you to 6 months in New Jersey.



Speaker: Damn you Ron Paul!



This is where the whole Bob-Sugar plot gets ugly. Bob agrees to give Randy the fake idol just so that he will make an ass out of himself at tribal council. While clever, this stands to benefit Bob not one little bit while making Sugar’s day.



At the Immunity challenge, everyone needs to build a puzzle setup out of giant wooden dominoes and knock them down to raise a flag. Its fairly close with Ken, Corinne, and Matty the Sham Wow guy all very close, but in the end, Ken used his professional videogaming skill to triumph.



As expected, Randy is completely blindsided by playing the fake immunity idol. And in the sphere of Survivor Gamesmanship, I’ll say that Sugar and Bob’s ploy was entertaining, but stupid, as Randy is now on the jury and will decide in the end who gets the million bucks. Probst has said it before. At this point the power in the game slowly shifts entirely over to the jury until at the end, they have ALL the power and the final two or three contestants are left to beg for mercy.



And THAT will be entertaining.



So this week’s losers are Dave and Christina. I suspect they won’t be overly surprised.